It’s time for another celebrating too early video. I’m gonna open on a recent cycling one because it seems like cyclists never learn it’s not over til it’s over. The sheila on the left raises her arm, slows down, smiles and loses. Yep, there’s the fist pump. She’s thinking about all the new sponsorship opportunities that will flow in after this win. And Marianne Vos cruises over the line in first place. There’s also a high angle wide shot, of course there is, in this day and age you can relive ya fuck ups in slow mo and ultra HD any time. This is what it looks like to achieve your dreams, goals, aspirations, and here they are crashing down, you scream “NOOOO!” and there is nothing you can do. Oh! Here’s a soccer one. In comes the kick, the goalie blocks it! He’s like “I am the greatest. Bring me all of the women.” His teammates yell “shut up, dickhead” and the ball goes in. The goalie whinges to the referee, but it is no use. Bugger it, let’s look at another soccer one, I mean football, there seems to be a goal. The bloke who kicked it is running out of the stadium like Forest Gump. The ref says “yeah nah.” The fans are bloody giving him a good old gangbanging. And why not, they’ve waited 50 minutes for a fucken goal haven’t they. They were turning into skeletons waiting for something good to happen. He turns around, realises he was offside, and feels as robbed as someone who works for a celebrity chef. A dodgy Dad has taken his wife and daughter on an extreme adventure. He is pumped! He’s shouting “I told ya this would be good!” But he should’ve kept steering the raft instead of fist pumping. This rock is gonna make him eat humble pie. Perhaps it was an accident, or perhaps he’s trying to murder his family. Ok, yeah nah yeah, they’re okay, there’s a rescue team nearby. These fellas are at the pub. In goes the black. Hands up! In goes the white. Hands down! The great thing about pool is that what happens to you at the pub can happen to the professionals. This guy reckons he’s got the win, he’s gonna go grab a pint. The white ball is like “naaaah, I wanna be with the other balls.” It likes the warmth of the sack, I mean, the pocket. And he has to suck it up. We all know those are the rules. We all know it. Aw there’s some good sportsmanship. What about gaming? Have you ever been playing with a friend and they’re positive they’ve got the win like this cheeky wanker, they start jumping around all over the living room, doing laps of the house, and you’re like “suck shit, I have resurrection powers motherfucker” and ya mash all the buttons until you do a special move and they die. Hahaha! Yes. And then you’re the one who really gets to whip ya dick out and celebrate. Ok, maybe this guy isn’t whipping his dick out. He’s got dignity and respect for others. Look at the instant depression going on here. Bring this man a box of pastries. Oh wow, the fella who won is doing a whole victory dance. Why not, why not, it’s your moment. Now the winner is saying “what are you up to? Are you going home? I’m going to the after party. For winners. I guess you’re not invited, heh.” That was a bit much.