(lively techno music) – Hi.
– Hi! – Hey.
– Hey! – How you doing?
– Good. – [Woman] Oh, have you
been in this place before? – No, but it’s close to my office. The menu looks good online. – Good evening, welcome to Une Vert Debe. Do you have a reservation? – No.
– Hmm. Okay, I’m not sure we
have room for walk-ins, but let me check. (soft piano music)
(electronic whooshing) When you walk in here
and you act sorta like– – It’s only 5:30.
– I know. (sudden gasps)
Oh no. Are we at a– – Way too fancy restaurant?
– Way too fancy restaurant? (ominous music) – Okay, hey, we can just go. – Yeah, okay.
– Aha! I found a table that can
accommodate the two of you. If you left now, it would reflect poorly. – Huh?
– Huh? – I said that your table’s just on your left, follow me. (ominous music)
– Okay. You can move it, okay. – Yeah, okay. Maybe this place isn’t that fancy. – Here’s our wine list. Good evening ladies. My name is Hozier. I’ll be your server. Tonight’s house specials are a sauvignon of regiis caviar- (muted distant talking) Is filled with watercress pinot. – Sorry what was that last one? – Oh it was a fleur–
(distant muffled talking) Over roasted–
(distant muffled talking) (loud electronic static beeping) – That sounds delicious,
but I think we’re good. – Yeah, we’re good. – Can I get you started
with anything to drink? – Oh.
– Just water? – Water.
– Sparkling or still? – Excuse me?
– Sparkling or still? Sparkling or still?
– Tap? – Yeah.
– Of course. I’ll be right back with your waters. – Shoot, tap isn’t even
one of the options. – Hey did you take a look at the menu, there’s a $100 fixed menu. A $200 tasting menu and the apps are $30! – Crap, I think I was looking
at the lunch menu online. – Would you ladies like
anything else to drink? – Yeah maybe…
– Excellent. – Good evening ladies. – Oh my god! – My name is Fjord, I’m the sommelier here at Une Vert Debe. – You just appeared.
– Yeah. – Like a ghost. – I’m so sorry to alarm. We have a series of hand
signals that we use here in the dining room to insure
that all of our guests are always attended to. And that they have to heavily tip us. – Huh?
– So that our guests are always attended to. And they have a heavenly visit. – Oh.
– Oh, okay. – Now for a wine, what sort of flavor profile are you looking for? – Dry?
– Okay. Do you prefer an earthier
or maybe a fruitier profile? (peaceful classic music) – Earthy.
– Wonderful. Well then I would highly recommended one of the Chateau Beaucastels, for the barn yard aromas. – Okay and the Chateau Beau– – Beaucastels.
– From 2012? – Oh $2,012 is actually the price of that wine madame. – Oh my God. And I see that you don’t have glasses, it’s only by the bottle.
– That’s correct. – We will just do a cocktail.
– Yes! – A cocktail.
– A cocktail. – A cocktail for you ladies? – Okay, yeah. Yes, yes, okay. Just a quick question
about the ingredients, what is mandrin ado? – That is an herbal liqueur from Italy. – Then what is the nocino? – That is an herbal liqueur from Italy. – So the omergreena is the same? – No, that is an herbal
liqueur from Portugal. – Yeah of course it is. I will take that. – Excellent choice. – I don’t like that.
– Wow. – Thank you! – I’ll say, impressive. – And I’ll leave you two with the menus. – I feel like since we’ve got here we’ve not had a moment to ourselves. – We haven’t, this fancy
restaurant is exhausting. – Complimentary bread for the table. – Oh okay good. Finally something we can eat. Don’t mind if I do. – Yum.
– Yes here we go. Stop, no, okay! – I’m fine, you know
what, I didn’t eat mine. – Okay, I am officially more stressed out being here than I would be
if we just left right now. – Yeah, I don’t want to touch anything. Let’s just go. Let’s just get the check. – Yes, okay, the check. – Here is your check. – Why do you keep doing that!
– Shut up, shut up. – Every table has voice recognition that gives us a shock to the neck every time a key word is muttered. Your bill comes out to $52.02. – Huh?
– Huh? – You heard me correct this time. That’ll be $52.02. – No, no, no. Lily, c’mon, Lily! Let’s go, come on, Lily. – Hashtag, get your lob on. (hearty laughing) – It’s a whole–
(hearty laughing) (ominous music)
(hearty laughing) – Hey it’s Lily! If you like college humor
and wanna support us, sign up for Drop Out, for the low price of five items off the dollar menu per month. You do the math. You’ll get videos like
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like Dimension 20. – There are no stupid questions. – Are you my freaking dad? (hearty laughing) – Sign up for your free trial today. Did you do the math from earlier? And if you did can you tell me how much it was? ‘Cause I’m bad with numbers. Five times one. (upbeat techno music)