Wooh guys, this party is so lit! [Cheering] (from phone) Guys, this party is so liiiiiiiiiit! Oh my God guys, we look so popular. Can you airdrop me that video? Yeah. Wait, what is your- What is your name again? Are you- I’m “mom’s queef”. Okay. Every high school party ever. What’s wrong? I cannot believe you didn’t get the address to this party, Corbin. We don’t need the address to the party, Jessie. What? Watch this, baby. *wind blowing while flute plays* What the fuck are you doing? I’m listening for the sound of drunken teens barfin’. That’s gonna get us to the party. *more music and wind* Jessie: I can just text someone who’s there-
Corbin: Shhhh. *even more wind and music* Girl: *laughing* Girl: *begins to vomit* That’s it! Follow me to the Promised land! Becky’s passed out on the couch again! I’m so stoked, I heard Ryan throws the best parties. Dude it’s gonna be so wild! I’m gonna get so wasted. I’m gonna drink ’til I shit Oh, f#ck. *gasp* Ryan your friends are here! We have room for two more settlers! I’ll go get snacks! This is “church” Ryan’s house. Oh I got the wrong address. Thank you so much for coming to my party, guys. *sigh* Looks like everyone else went to “super fun, booze, and weed” Ryan’s party tonight. Not that I care. I made Mormon mac n’ cheese! [whispering] The secret is that it’s just plain uncooked macaroni because the cheese makes us feel too edgy. Oh thanks… Mmm. Alright kiddos! Who’s ready to settle? [in unison] Let’s settle! Eat up! You’re so skinny. Yo where’s the Juuls at? Somebody bring the Juuls? So I’m just like, waiting for her to DM me back. Kyle, I just got the best idea. Lay it on me, Kyle! Let’s get Davey’s dog stoned! Yeah dude! Oh my God! Kyle: Wait, but we don’t have any weed.
Davey: And I don’t have a dog. Oh, bummer. *gasp* Dude let’s get Davey’s dog drunk! Yes dude! [screaming] Idea of the century! Is rubbing alcohol, alcohol? Yes. [music] Sorry guys, I couldn’t get any beer. My fake I.D sucks. Aw man. Alright plan B- I brought this rag my mom used to wipe up some wine she spilled last week, maybe we can like, suck the alcohol out of it. Nice. I found some expired Tylenol P.M. in the dumpster. And I brought this hammer we can bash ourselves in the head with, and kill a ton of brain cells. Guys, guys, I scored some Jagermeister! [everyone groans] It’s cool! I mean, I’d rather brutally smash in my head with this hammer. Nice! Me next! [all chanting] Do it! Do it! Who vomited in my mom’s ashes? [music plays] Oh shit guys my mom’s Facetiming me, I told her I was studying tonight. Okay? Okay? We’re good? Alright? [Classical Music Plays] H-hey mom! Hi Jessie! Oh, oh! You’re studying, oh shoot, I’m sorry for bothering you sweetie. Um, I just heard that “super fun, booze and weed” Ryan was having a wild drinking party tonight- So I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t going. [nervous chucking] What? No way. Oh! Is that Gavin over there? Oh hi Gavin! Hi Mrs. Martin! W-What’s that you’re studying? Uh. Cutting board. *laughs* That’s nice, honey. [whispering] That boy has always been a little dumb. So stupid. Yeah, alright okay. Well um, gotta go mom! Love you! [sighs of relief] [club music starts again] We did it! Who’s gonna stay and help me clean up? Nobody. [music playing] Babe, babe. This EDM music is super loud. Aren’t you worried about your neighbors calling the cops? As if that would ever happen. [sirens] Stop right there! Underage partying! You’re all under arrest. Whatever, dude. Yeah, I’ve been to jail like, three times in the past month. Are you really pointing a gun at kids right now? Yeah dude, stereotypical comedic depictions of cops are both out of date, and not even slightly intimidating. Wow. I guess times really have changed this past couple of years. Wait, wait, wait. Did you hear that? Guys it’s my parents! They’re back early! [everyone panicking] Oh no! We have to clean up! Every high school party ever. leggubuhu boat stop My boyfriend’s crazy Alright. I will take your wood That’s against the rules. That’s like the best. That’s like Thomas Edison times like two. Who’s that? That’s the declaration dude. [Laughing] Hey guys thank you so much for watching this video. If you’re not yet subscribed, I would suggest it cause that’s cool. Click the box on the left to watch every haircut ever uh Wow. And both of those are solid choices. So you know, start with one watch the other after.