Raise the roof for Anne Edmonds! Having fun? Woo! Well I am back into my size 10 pants After the abortion That’s a good start isn’t it? Woo! Here we go…
It’s a bit of fun up here guys, good on ya. Nothing makes me more suspicious
than families that are nice to each other You know what I’m saying?
I was in a cafe recently I’m sitting here, right, and there’s a family at the table next to me, three teenagers and two parents Pretty normal, right? They’d all just been on a hike together over Christmas First of all, what are you doing going on a hike with your parents? They’re the enemy. And you should have heard the way they were speaking to each other. One of the kids was like
“Alex, I think you were the fastest today” And then Alex was like,
“No, I think Dad faster” And Dad goes, “Guys, come on. Mum was the fastest” And then Mum looked around at everyone and went, “Hey, come on. We’re all fast” And then together they went, “We’re all fast!” I’m like this with a butter knife trying to find a vein.
You know what I mean? There’s cars pulling up out the front and I am like, “Can I put my lips around your muffler and just give me a couple of sweet pumps. I want to go nigh-nighs” What’s going on here?! Like, why hasn’t one of those kids stood
up at the table, smacked their plate off and gone, “I f*cking hate this family!” and run off? Why isn’t the Mum sitting there with her
head in her hands going “I just wanted to have one nice lunch together”? Why isn’t the Dad staring off into the distance going
“I gotta get out” Why isn’t one of the other siblings
showing the early signs of a personality disorder That will lead to chronic
unemployment and him turning up at Christmas every year at a set of bongos saying,
“Who wants to hear the latest track from my independently produced reggae album”? Why?! I’ve always been suss on them. It reminded me of a friend of mine
who had at school, Caroline. I only went to her a house a couple of times because the politeness around there was pathological. The Dad sat at the top of the table, right He was quite an ominous, dark presence up there, right.
I noticed when the Mum passed his dinner for the night There was a slight shake of a hand.
I was like, “Hello… I smell a rat” “Things aren’t all as they seem in this family.” Anyway, came out 10 years later, He had a second family in Hong Kong! Dirty Double Daddy! We’ve got a Dirty Double Daddy at the dinner table! Dirty Double Daddy at the disco! This is my impersonation of a Dirty Double Daddy at a disco, by the way. “Oh hello Anne! You’re growing up fast” “Quick flick of the bra, no harm done. Woo!” “I’m too sexy…” Men are rank. Go Trump! Righto I’m off, alright.